What was I thinking?

Despite protests from her husband and five kids, my mum has always considered herself "not smart" because she doesn't have any formal education to speak of. Being the eldest of four girls, she left school when she was 14 to help on the dairy farm. She knows plenty about farming, raising a bunch of kids with solid values, she is an excellent handywoman, cook, seamstress, has created many inspirational native gardens, owned her own small retail business and loves drawing up house plans.

She never gives herself enough credit for the way she has shaped the lives of others in a positive way, sometimes through an oft-repeated tale with a message lurking within, like the lawnmower story.

"So," she would start the story, "there was this farmer who needed to mow his lawns but his own lawnmower was broken and wasn't able to be fixed for some time. An idea came to him, and he ummed and ahhed and finally decided he would walk across the paddock to the neighbouring farmer and ask to borrow his lawnmower. He set out in a jolly enough frame of mind but then he got to thinking...he didn't really know his neighbour that well, what if he wasn't a very pleasant type? As he climbed over the fence he thought, what if he thinks I have been remiss in not getting my lawnmower fixed sooner? He probably hates people borrowing his things. In fact, he probably won't be the least bit inclined to lend me his lawnmower. Still deep in his thoughts he knocks on the door of the farmhouse, the door opens but before the neighbour can say a word, the farmer tells him to stick his lawnmower where the sun doesn't shine, turns on his heels and walks home!"

A self-fulfilling prophecy starts with a story that we tell ourselves and that we believe to be true, our beliefs determine our actions and so then we behave in ways that actually make the story come true. As leaders, it is important take responsibility for being the author and the editor of our own stories that affirm us and those around us:

• By not giving attention to that unwarranted self-critical boggart that lurks in our heads waiting for an opportunity to take centre stage.

• By framing genuine and well-intended feedback as an opportunity to develop rather than as a criticism.

• By expecting positivity and performance from our team members - this is realistic and will bring out the best in them.

• By realising that it often takes time, perseverance and more than one attempt to achieve something we are aiming for. Stay positive and don't give up at the first hurdle.

You're probably thinking, hang on, there is another side to this "rainbows and unicorns" coin, and there is! I'm not saying we need to channel Pollyanna and play "The Glad Game" at the expense of being realistic; there will be people that criticise us unfairly (including ourselves), we will have team members who don't live up to expectations at times, we won't live up to our own expectations at times, and sometimes we will come to the conclusion that our approach to achieving a goal or outcome is not the right one. BUT tackle that when it happens, don't make that your starting point!

"Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; it reproduces itself by crippling our willingness to act." - Howard Zinn