Never, ever!

In most cases behaviours fall somewhere on a continuum, rudeness can be barely perceptible through to downright confronting, constantly talking over people can be a tad annoying to the point of really disruptive. However, there are some behaviours that are just NEVER okay. Humiliating a team member is NEVER, EVER acceptable, and particularly devastating when done in front of others. Recovering credibility from indulging in this behaviour maybe the least of your worries if you have crossed a line.

Thirty years ago a close friend of mine was shamefully humiliated at what should have been one of the most exciting points in her life. At only 17 years of age she was off to university in a big city, leaving behind her life in a small town of 1,500 people. The first night on campus there was a welcome dinner for all the first-year students in the dining hall. Each student would take their turn to stand up and introduce themselves in a few short sentences. The "piece de resistance" was the judging panel, made up of senior male students, who had the "job" of holding up boards with scores and comments.

My friend was already petrified of standing up and speaking but managed to steal herself and do a decent enough job. As she sat back down, she saw the sign held up by one of the male students that read, "No tits!" To that male student, and many others in the room who laughed along, it was a funny, innocuous comment. For my friend the impact on her confidence was immediate and devastating and still carries strong emotions when she talks about it today. She never attended a dinner on residence again.

A person who feels humiliated by you...

1. Will become defensive and withdraw in your presence, not just in the moment, but whenever they are around you. They will not give of themselves for fear of being humiliated again.

2. Will not trust you because you have shown complete disregard for their feelings.

3. Will actively find ways to not be around you, sometimes to the point of seeking employment elsewhere.

4. Will never thank you for teaching them a lesson you thought they needed! In fact, they may be planning on teaching you a lesson!

5. Will, more often than not, have the support of others who witnessed the humiliation. And you will have a hard job earning back their respect.

"Humiliation does not belong in your leadership toolkit - it serves nobody." - Mandy Whelan